Fuck you then Dean

If you’re coming to the UK and you want to fit in:

Words and phrases people actually use over here - about 1% of people use the ‘Queen’s English’ when they talk here. Not all of them are common in some areas as certain slang is exclusive to certain regions and people of a particular generation. Say them confidently in a sentence, as if you use those words all the time, or else you’ll just sound weird…



AGGRO/AGGY
Hassle.
She’s been giving me aggro about it all week
Don’t get aggy, I fucking said I’d do it

ALRIGHT
Used as an informal greeting, normally phrased as a question but without wanting an answer. Also used a lot in Australia.
Alright mate

ARSE OVER TIT
The same as ‘arse over elbow’. It means falling over.
He fell arse over tit

BEST OF BRITISH
aka, ‘best of British luck’. It means ‘good luck’.
Best of British to you

BLINDING
Really good, amazing, hard to beat.
That pizza was blinding’.

BLOODY
Used in place of ‘very’ or ‘fucking’.
That was bloody lovely
Bloody hell
Shut that bloody door’. 

BOB’S YOUR UNCLE
Normally used at the end of sentences as if to say ‘there you go' or 'there we have it’. Pretty much the same as the French ‘voila’.
To fix this I’ll just put this here… and bobs your uncle”

BOLLOCKS
Just the British way of saying ‘bullshit’.
You met the Queen ? Bollocks

BOMB
Very expensive or overpriced.
This meal cost a bomb

BUGGER
Like ‘bloody’. Non-swearing alternative to ‘fuck' or 'shit’, usually used to express frustration or regret. 

BUNG
To include or put in.
I’ll just bung that in my purse’. 

CHUFFED
Very pleased or impressed with.
I was chuffed to bits with my exam results’. 

COBBLERS
Rubbish, no good.
What a load of cobblers’. 

COCK UP/COCKED UP
To mess up, fuck up, or ruin.
I made a real cock-up on the last question
I cocked up the varnish

CRACKING
The best, stunning, really good.
It’s a cracking film
That girls cracking

DAFT (darft)
Stupid, illogical or unreasonable. Usually used to describe an idea or a person.
Jumping off that would just be daft

DEAR
Expensive, costs a lot.
This phone bill is a bit dear’. 

DIM
Stupid, slow on the uptake. Used to describe a person.
She’s nice but she’s a bit dim

DO
Party, social function, event. Most commonly used to replace ‘party’.
You going to their joint birthday do ?

DODDLE
Easy, simple.
This job will be a doddle’. 

DODGY (dod-jee)
Can’t be trusted, uncertain or unsure - can be used in a variety of contexts:
I think that curry was a bit dodgy
The clutch is a bit dodgy
Don’t buy from him, the guys a bit dodgy

DOGS BOLLOCKS
The same as ‘bees knees’. It means something really good.
‘This tea is the dogs bollocks’. You can also say ‘the bollocks' or 'the dogs’.

DOLE 
Our slang term for claiming benefits or welfare payments from the state.
I lost my job so I’m on the dole at the moment

DONE
Slang for arrested.
You know she was dealing ? Well she got done for it

DONE IN/DONE OVER
Beaten up or messed around.
I really got done over on that building work
He got done in on his way home

I’M EASY
Simple, uncomplicated.
Didn’t really have to seduce her, she was easy
I don’t care what we have for dinner, I’m easy

FAFF
To dither, waste time or fuss unnecessarily.
Stop faffing and hurry up

FANCY
To want, lust after, be attracted to or feel like. Can be used in various contexts:
I fancy a coffee
I think I might fancy my boss

FIT
Good looking.
My decorator is fit

FLUTTER
A small bet or gamble.
I like to have a flutter on the horses now and again

GAGGING
Desperate, in urgent need of. Not usually in an attractive way.
I’m gagging for a drink
Sleep with him, he’s gagging for it

GANDER
To look around or take in a view.
Let’s have a gander at this place

GONE TO THE DOGS
Gone downhill, gotten worse.
That restaurant has really gone to the dogs’.

GRUB
Slang for food. 

GUTTED
Disappointed, upset, let down.
He was gutted when his wife found out about his mistress

HARD
Dangerous, strong, unbeatable.
He fancies himself as a bit of a hard man

HAVE A BUTCHERS
To look at, or try to work out.
Let’s have a butchers at the menu’

HAVE A STAB AT
To give something a try.
Let’s have a stab at moving this piano then’

HER MAJESTY’S PLEASURE
To go to prison - literally, to be detained in prison at her Majesty’s pleasure.
He’s away at her Majesty’s pleasure’

HOW’S YOUR FATHER
Slang term for sex. Nobody under 60 really says this other than ironically.
Went out back for a bit of how’s your father’

HUMP
Moody, in a bad mood. Also can be used as another word for having and/or imitating sex.
'Don't bother her, she's got the hump about something'

JAMMY
Slang term for lucky.
You jammy git

KHAZI
Slang term for toilet.
Just off to use the khazi

KIP
Slang term for sleep.
Only got an hours kip last night

KNACKERED
Tired, out of energy.
I’m too knackered to cook tonight

KNEE’S UP
Slang for party or dance
Come with us tonight, gonna be proper knee’s up

LURGY (lur-gee)
Illness, sickness, usually flu.
Don’t come near me, I’ve got the lurgy

MARDY (mar-dee)
Moody, irritable.
Calm down mardy arse, I’ll just get you another

MISSUS/MISSES (miss-is)
Slang for girlfriend, wife, female partner. 

MUSH (said like ‘push’ with an ‘m’)
Slang for both mouth and friend.
Alright mush ?”
"Shut your mush

MY OLD CHINA
Slang phrase for ‘old friend’, affectionate.
How are you doing my old china ?

MUG
Gullible, stupid, or a pushover.
Don’t be a mug, if they cheated once then they’ll do it again

NANCY
Pathetic, weak.
It’s not even cold outside you nancy boy

NICK
Slang for steal. 

NOT MY CUP OF TEA
Not to your liking, not your taste.
I gave them a listen but they’re not my cup of tea

NUT
Slang for head butt. 

OLD BILL
Slang phrase for the police/cops.
Called the Old Bill on my neighbour last night

OLD DEAR
Slang phrase for a persons mother. 

OLD MAN
Slang phrase for a persons boyfriend/husband/father.

ON ABOUT
Slang for talking about, mostly used when someone is talking shit.
What are you on about ?

ON YOUR BIKE
A more polite way of telling someone to fuck off. 

PASS
Slang for ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I can’t answer’. Usually only used formally, although is sometimes used in everyday conversation. 

PEAR-SHAPED
Slang phrase for saying something has gone wrong, or hasn’t gone according to plan.
We left in the end, it all went a bit pear shaped

PIECE OF CAKE
Slang phrase for easy, simple, not a challenge. 

PINCH
Slang for steal. 

PISSED
Slang for drunk or angry.
I am majorly pissed off at her”
"I was so pissed yesterday

PISS POOR
Something awful, or an awful attempt at something.
His latest film is piss poor

PONY
Something that isn’t very good. Also used as slang for £25.
Can’t afford it, I’ve only got a pony
We went but it turned out to be fucking pony

PULL
To get someone, to attract or try to attract someone. Generally means to sleep or mess around with.
Out on the pull tonight”
"I pulled last night

PUSSY
Weakling, pathetic, also another [usually derogatory] word for vagina.
"I haven’t got any pussy for ages"
'Don't be a pussy, go after him' 

QUID
Slang term for pound [as in, the British currency]
What can I get for three quid ?

ROW (said like ‘cow’ with an r)
To argue or fight.
They had a massive row this morning

SAD
Lame, uncool, a bit pathetic.
Why are you doing crosswords you sad bastard ?

SHAMBLES
Chaotic, unorganized, a mess.
Thought I’d look at their new website, it’s a shambles

SHIRTY
Intolerant, impatient or bad tempered.
Don’t get shirty with me, I was just asking

SIXES AND SEVENS
A mess, a jumble.
Was going to go shopping but I’m all sixes and sevens today

SKINT
Poor, lacking money.
Can’t make it tonight, I’m a bit skint

SKIVE
To play truant or bunk off.
Skived off work to watch the football

SOD’S LAW
Basically a way of saying that everything that can go wrong, will, or to describe an annoying coincidence or inconvenience. Usually used for things that have already happened.
It’s sods law that I get called into work the one day of the month I had plans

SOFT
Stupid, gullible. Used to describe a person, most common in the North.
Don’t be soft, of course horses can’t fly’. 

SPLASH OUT
To spend more money than you normally would, or spend a lot of money on something.
I thought I’d splash out and get champagne instead of wine

STROPPY
Slang for moody or bratty.

TIGHT
Stingy, out of order or cheap. Can be used to describe both a person and a situation.
'Don't be tight, just buy them'
'You were well tight on him just then'
'No holiday for me this year, money is a bit tight

TA (tar)
Slang for ‘thank you’. 

TAKE THE PISS
To make fun of someone, to make a joke out of them. 

TALENT
Attractive people.
'Best go check out the local talent then' 

TA-RA
Goodbye, see you later. Informal, most common in the North.
Ta-Ra mate

TIDY
Usually used to describe a woman as being good looking or attractive. 

TWO FINGER SALUTE
To give someone the V’s, to swear at someone with your fingers.
Palms towards you means ‘two’ or ‘peace’, knuckles towards you it’s telling you to fuck off. 

WAFFLE
To ramble, or talk too much.
I stopped listening after a while, she just waffled on and on and on

WANKER
Derogatory term for someone who is nasty, an asshole, a bit of a jerk.
Don’t like him, he’s a wanker

WHINGE
To moan or complain excessively, usually about something trivial.
Stop whinging, you’re giving me a headache

RHYMING SLANG - Nobody really uses this day to day but some words anyway:

TROUBLE AND STRIFE: WIFE
DOG AND BONE: PHONE
WHISTLE AND FLUTE: SUIT
CHINA PLATE: MATE
DICKORY DOCK: CLOCK
PIGS EAR: BEER
RABBIT AND PORK: TALK
DAFT AND BARMY: ARMY
ONE AND THE OTHER: BROTHER
GOOSE’S NECK: CHEQUE
BREAD AND BUTTER: GUTTER
LOAF OF BREAD: HEAD
BOTTLE OF SAUCE: HORSE
CREAM CRACKERED: KNACKERED
BEGGAR MY NEIGHBOUR: LABOUR

Present from my #1 gal Julia

#personal  

Alton Kelley
'Portada de the Oracle' [1968] 

(via yourrationalmindisinsane-deacti)

I can’t listen to Pixies without thinking of fucking 500 fucking Days of fucking Summer which I liked the first time I watched it… then I watched it again and saw it for how shit it really is

#personal  

I look like I’ve been boxing all my life

#personal  

Things that will happen by Christmas:

1. I will give up smoking. It smells gross and it looks fucking stupid once you get halfway through a cigarette. Apparently smoking can lead to weight gain around your middle later in life and I am way too shallow for that

2. I will cut out all animal products; any tips on common products that contains part or produce of an animal that I may not know about I’d be welcome for. I’m talking detergent and supplements etc, food I’ve got pretty much down

3. I will get distinctions in everything I have done up to that point so far instead of waiting until the night before to do an entire project

4. I will learn to knit properly… and actually knit a thing, not just a weird rag

5. I will maintain being a rich and interesting character that apparently aims high 

#personal  

Uhhh this is clearly hilarious guyz

"People don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt because most people only stick around until they can’t get anything more out of you. I have four good friends and that’s enough"

Some things I think about feminism

Got into a … ‘debate’ the other day with one of my oldest friends about feminism. I was drunk and I never drink, I don’t handle it well. She still thinks feminism is something to do with lesbians and/or ugly girls. I think there are a thousand things wrong with that.
My thoughts on feminism are basically:

1. It’s not about man hating, or a way to ‘justify’ being single. I think it’s kind of an insult to those that fought for - and are still fighting for - female equality to use it as a way to justify not doing or being anything ‘male’ related. 

2. With rights come responsibility. I know that girls have to prove themselves more often than men in certain situations, I know that a lot of industries are dominated by men, and I know that isn’t fair. I also know that nobody - male, female, black, white - can expect things to just happen for them. You do need to work for things, and to assume that being female means you should be entitled to things before men because of years of oppression undermines your own logic surely ?

3. It’s open to interpretation, that’s the very nature of any ‘liberating’ [?] movement…

4. Feminism is partly about female unity, but that doesn’t mean I have to like every single girl in the world. I’m a human being, and like everyone else there are some people - male or female - that will fuck me off. To consider myself a feminist I don’t have to have only positive things to say about girl stuff. I’m not into bullying, nor am I into ‘doing it for the male benefit’, but really it’s none of my business. I’m not into anything else that singles a person out because everyone is entitled live their life the way they choose. At the end of the day, who the fuck am I to pass judgement ?
I won’t love everything girl for the sake of ‘feminism’ though, because that’s bordering into positive discrimination territory and being patronized as an offset of being female is not something Emily Davison died for.

5. You don’t have to listen to bands associated with the riot grrrl movement. 

6. You don’t have to talk about feminism or women’s issues all the time if you don’t want to… but please call someone out on being sexist [or racist, or ageist, or fascist, or any other kind of cuntish thing a person can be] because people act that way because they think they can get away with it. Let them know you’re not impressed…

7. Feminism isn’t exclusive to certain people. If a person is not ‘fashionalt’ or ‘sub culture’ friendly, you can’t just exclude them. If you do then you’re a fucking asshole… someone can be into Hannah Montana, and look like Hannah Montana, and act like Hannah Montana [can’t think of any good examples right now] and be just as into feminism as you are.

8. It’s not excuse for something, it’s a belief, a view point, “the radical notion that women are people”. Just because things are better for women in the UK than they were 60 years ago doesn’t mean women are equal, and it doesn’t mean that there aren’t women elsewhere suffering because they were born female.

There are loads more things I think about this, there are loads of things I think about everything. Feminism is fashionable right now, which is a good thing [I hope].
My opinion is just my opinion; and just like yours it is not gospel but it’s not invalid… and it’s always interesting to hear what other people think.

?

#feminism  

by Lee Friedlander

"WE’RE NOT HOMOSEXUAL, BUT WE ARE ‘WILLING TO LEARN’" 

Title: Good Riddance Artist: The Jesus Lizard 0 plays

The Jesus Lizard, Good Riddance

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Is it bad that Harry is travelling down to see me and I can’t even be bothered to put eyeliner on ? #COUNTERCOUNTERFEMINIST

From Twitter [@Kateflood]