Fuck you then Dean
Words and phrases people actually use over here - about 1% of people use the ‘Queen’s English’ when they talk here. Not all of them are common in some areas as certain slang is exclusive to certain regions and people of a particular generation. Say them confidently in a sentence, as if you use those words all the time, or else you’ll just sound weird…
’She’s been giving me aggro about it all week’
’Don’t get aggy, I fucking said I’d do it'
Used as an informal greeting, normally phrased as a question but without wanting an answer. Also used a lot in Australia.
ARSE OVER TIT
The same as ‘arse over elbow’. It means falling over.
‘He fell arse over tit’
BEST OF BRITISH
aka, ‘best of British luck’. It means ‘good luck’.
’Best of British to you'
Really good, amazing, hard to beat.
‘That pizza was blinding’.
Used in place of ‘very’ or ‘fucking’.
‘That was bloody lovely’
’Shut that bloody door’.
BOB’S YOUR UNCLE
Normally used at the end of sentences as if to say ‘there you go' or 'there we have it’. Pretty much the same as the French ‘voila’.
”To fix this I’ll just put this here… and bobs your uncle”
Just the British way of saying ‘bullshit’.
”You met the Queen ? Bollocks"
Very expensive or overpriced.
‘This meal cost a bomb’
Like ‘bloody’. Non-swearing alternative to ‘fuck' or 'shit’, usually used to express frustration or regret.
To include or put in.
‘I’ll just bung that in my purse’.
Very pleased or impressed with.
‘I was chuffed to bits with my exam results’.
Rubbish, no good.
’What a load of cobblers’.
COCK UP/COCKED UP
To mess up, fuck up, or ruin.
‘I made a real cock-up on the last question’
’I cocked up the varnish’
The best, stunning, really good.
‘It’s a cracking film’
’That girls cracking'
Stupid, illogical or unreasonable. Usually used to describe an idea or a person.
”Jumping off that would just be daft"
Expensive, costs a lot.
‘This phone bill is a bit dear’.
Stupid, slow on the uptake. Used to describe a person.
’She’s nice but she’s a bit dim'
Party, social function, event. Most commonly used to replace ‘party’.
”You going to their joint birthday do ?"
‘This job will be a doddle’.
Can’t be trusted, uncertain or unsure - can be used in a variety of contexts:
‘I think that curry was a bit dodgy’
’The clutch is a bit dodgy’
’Don’t buy from him, the guys a bit dodgy'
The same as ‘bees knees’. It means something really good.
‘This tea is the dogs bollocks’. You can also say ‘the bollocks' or 'the dogs’.
Our slang term for claiming benefits or welfare payments from the state.
”I lost my job so I’m on the dole at the moment"
Slang for arrested.
”You know she was dealing ? Well she got done for it"
DONE IN/DONE OVER
Beaten up or messed around.
”I really got done over on that building work”
”He got done in on his way home"
”Didn’t really have to seduce her, she was easy”
”I don’t care what we have for dinner, I’m easy"
To dither, waste time or fuss unnecessarily.
”Stop faffing and hurry up"
To want, lust after, be attracted to or feel like. Can be used in various contexts:
”I fancy a coffee”
”I think I might fancy my boss"
”My decorator is fit"
A small bet or gamble.
”I like to have a flutter on the horses now and again"
Desperate, in urgent need of. Not usually in an attractive way.
”I’m gagging for a drink”
”Sleep with him, he’s gagging for it"
To look around or take in a view.
”Let’s have a gander at this place"
GONE TO THE DOGS
Gone downhill, gotten worse.
‘That restaurant has really gone to the dogs’.
Slang for food.
Disappointed, upset, let down.
”He was gutted when his wife found out about his mistress"
Dangerous, strong, unbeatable.
”He fancies himself as a bit of a hard man"
HAVE A BUTCHERS
To look at, or try to work out.
’Let’s have a butchers at the menu’
HAVE A STAB AT
To give something a try.
’Let’s have a stab at moving this piano then’
HER MAJESTY’S PLEASURE
To go to prison - literally, to be detained in prison at her Majesty’s pleasure.
’He’s away at her Majesty’s pleasure’
HOW’S YOUR FATHER
Slang term for sex. Nobody under 60 really says this other than ironically.
’Went out back for a bit of how’s your father’
Moody, in a bad mood. Also can be used as another word for having and/or imitating sex.
'Don't bother her, she's got the hump about something'
Slang term for lucky.
”You jammy git"
Slang term for toilet.
”Just off to use the khazi"
Slang term for sleep.
”Only got an hours kip last night"
Tired, out of energy.
”I’m too knackered to cook tonight"
Slang for party or dance
”Come with us tonight, gonna be proper knee’s up"
Illness, sickness, usually flu.
”Don’t come near me, I’ve got the lurgy"
’Calm down mardy arse, I’ll just get you another'
Slang for girlfriend, wife, female partner.
MUSH (said like ‘push’ with an ‘m’)
Slang for both mouth and friend.
”Alright mush ?”
"Shut your mush"
MY OLD CHINA
Slang phrase for ‘old friend’, affectionate.
”How are you doing my old china ?"
Gullible, stupid, or a pushover.
”Don’t be a mug, if they cheated once then they’ll do it again"
”It’s not even cold outside you nancy boy"
Slang for steal.
NOT MY CUP OF TEA
Not to your liking, not your taste.
”I gave them a listen but they’re not my cup of tea"
Slang for head butt.
Slang phrase for the police/cops.
”Called the Old Bill on my neighbour last night"
Slang phrase for a persons mother.
Slang phrase for a persons boyfriend/husband/father.
Slang for talking about, mostly used when someone is talking shit.
”What are you on about ?"
ON YOUR BIKE
A more polite way of telling someone to fuck off.
Slang for ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I can’t answer’. Usually only used formally, although is sometimes used in everyday conversation.
Slang phrase for saying something has gone wrong, or hasn’t gone according to plan.
”We left in the end, it all went a bit pear shaped"
PIECE OF CAKE
Slang phrase for easy, simple, not a challenge.
Slang for steal.
Slang for drunk or angry.
”I am majorly pissed off at her”
"I was so pissed yesterday"
Something awful, or an awful attempt at something.
”His latest film is piss poor"
Something that isn’t very good. Also used as slang for £25.
’Can’t afford it, I’ve only got a pony’
’We went but it turned out to be fucking pony'
To get someone, to attract or try to attract someone. Generally means to sleep or mess around with.
”Out on the pull tonight”
"I pulled last night”
Weakling, pathetic, also another [usually derogatory] word for vagina.
"I haven’t got any pussy for ages"
'Don't be a pussy, go after him'
Slang term for pound [as in, the British currency]
”What can I get for three quid ?"
ROW (said like ‘cow’ with an r)
To argue or fight.
”They had a massive row this morning"
Lame, uncool, a bit pathetic.
’Why are you doing crosswords you sad bastard ?'
Chaotic, unorganized, a mess.
’Thought I’d look at their new website, it’s a shambles'
Intolerant, impatient or bad tempered.
’Don’t get shirty with me, I was just asking'
SIXES AND SEVENS
A mess, a jumble.
”Was going to go shopping but I’m all sixes and sevens today”
Poor, lacking money.
’Can’t make it tonight, I’m a bit skint'
To play truant or bunk off.
”Skived off work to watch the football”
Basically a way of saying that everything that can go wrong, will, or to describe an annoying coincidence or inconvenience. Usually used for things that have already happened.
”It’s sods law that I get called into work the one day of the month I had plans"
Stupid, gullible. Used to describe a person, most common in the North.
’Don’t be soft, of course horses can’t fly’.
To spend more money than you normally would, or spend a lot of money on something.
’I thought I’d splash out and get champagne instead of wine’
Slang for moody or bratty.
Stingy, out of order or cheap. Can be used to describe both a person and a situation.
'Don't be tight, just buy them'
'You were well tight on him just then'
'No holiday for me this year, money is a bit tight’
Slang for ‘thank you’.
TAKE THE PISS
To make fun of someone, to make a joke out of them.
'Best go check out the local talent then'
Goodbye, see you later. Informal, most common in the North.
Usually used to describe a woman as being good looking or attractive.
TWO FINGER SALUTE
To give someone the V’s, to swear at someone with your fingers.
Palms towards you means ‘two’ or ‘peace’, knuckles towards you it’s telling you to fuck off.
To ramble, or talk too much.
’I stopped listening after a while, she just waffled on and on and on'
Derogatory term for someone who is nasty, an asshole, a bit of a jerk.
”Don’t like him, he’s a wanker"
To moan or complain excessively, usually about something trivial.
’Stop whinging, you’re giving me a headache'
RHYMING SLANG - Nobody really uses this day to day but some words anyway:
TROUBLE AND STRIFE: WIFE
DOG AND BONE: PHONE
WHISTLE AND FLUTE: SUIT
CHINA PLATE: MATE
DICKORY DOCK: CLOCK
PIGS EAR: BEER
RABBIT AND PORK: TALK
DAFT AND BARMY: ARMY
ONE AND THE OTHER: BROTHER
GOOSE’S NECK: CHEQUE
BREAD AND BUTTER: GUTTER
LOAF OF BREAD: HEAD
BOTTLE OF SAUCE: HORSE
CREAM CRACKERED: KNACKERED
BEGGAR MY NEIGHBOUR: LABOUR
I can’t listen to Pixies without thinking of fucking 500 fucking Days of fucking Summer which I liked the first time I watched it… then I watched it again and saw it for how shit it really is
1. I will give up smoking. It smells gross and it looks fucking stupid once you get halfway through a cigarette. Apparently smoking can lead to weight gain around your middle later in life and I am way too shallow for that
2. I will cut out all animal products; any tips on common products that contains part or produce of an animal that I may not know about I’d be welcome for. I’m talking detergent and supplements etc, food I’ve got pretty much down
3. I will get distinctions in everything I have done up to that point so far instead of waiting until the night before to do an entire project
4. I will learn to knit properly… and actually knit a thing, not just a weird rag
5. I will maintain being a rich and interesting character that apparently aims high
"People don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt because most people only stick around until they can’t get anything more out of you. I have four good friends and that’s enough"
Got into a … ‘debate’ the other day with one of my oldest friends about feminism. I was drunk and I never drink, I don’t handle it well. She still thinks feminism is something to do with lesbians and/or ugly girls. I think there are a thousand things wrong with that.
My thoughts on feminism are basically:
1. It’s not about man hating, or a way to ‘justify’ being single. I think it’s kind of an insult to those that fought for - and are still fighting for - female equality to use it as a way to justify not doing or being anything ‘male’ related.
2. With rights come responsibility. I know that girls have to prove themselves more often than men in certain situations, I know that a lot of industries are dominated by men, and I know that isn’t fair. I also know that nobody - male, female, black, white - can expect things to just happen for them. You do need to work for things, and to assume that being female means you should be entitled to things before men because of years of oppression undermines your own logic surely ?
3. It’s open to interpretation, that’s the very nature of any ‘liberating’ [?] movement…
4. Feminism is partly about female unity, but that doesn’t mean I have to like every single girl in the world. I’m a human being, and like everyone else there are some people - male or female - that will fuck me off. To consider myself a feminist I don’t have to have only positive things to say about girl stuff. I’m not into bullying, nor am I into ‘doing it for the male benefit’, but really it’s none of my business. I’m not into anything else that singles a person out because everyone is entitled live their life the way they choose. At the end of the day, who the fuck am I to pass judgement ?
I won’t love everything girl for the sake of ‘feminism’ though, because that’s bordering into positive discrimination territory and being patronized as an offset of being female is not something Emily Davison died for.
5. You don’t have to listen to bands associated with the riot grrrl movement.
6. You don’t have to talk about feminism or women’s issues all the time if you don’t want to… but please call someone out on being sexist [or racist, or ageist, or fascist, or any other kind of cuntish thing a person can be] because people act that way because they think they can get away with it. Let them know you’re not impressed…
7. Feminism isn’t exclusive to certain people. If a person is not ‘fashionalt’ or ‘sub culture’ friendly, you can’t just exclude them. If you do then you’re a fucking asshole… someone can be into Hannah Montana, and look like Hannah Montana, and act like Hannah Montana [can’t think of any good examples right now] and be just as into feminism as you are.
8. It’s not excuse for something, it’s a belief, a view point, “the radical notion that women are people”. Just because things are better for women in the UK than they were 60 years ago doesn’t mean women are equal, and it doesn’t mean that there aren’t women elsewhere suffering because they were born female.
There are loads more things I think about this, there are loads of things I think about everything. Feminism is fashionable right now, which is a good thing [I hope].
My opinion is just my opinion; and just like yours it is not gospel but it’s not invalid… and it’s always interesting to hear what other people think.
The Jesus Lizard, Good Riddance